Something major I learned in 2017. Many things happened that were out of my control, but I like to always believe it was God saying “girl, ya need to be filled and if I’m going to fill you, you’re gonna have to have some things removed from your life.” Friendships were lost, lessons were learned, and instead of usually pouring into others - God made it so that the only thing I needed to focus on was being filled. Most importantly, filled by HIM. It took time and in the beginning I was so uncomfortable. I felt greedy. I didn’t want to just be poured into and take take take, I wanted to pour out. But that was the problem: I didn’t have anything to pour into others, and if I did, it wasn’t worth a lot. So I lived. I just lived each day letting the Lord hold my hand and show me what I needed to know. And over time I felt filled. I look back and recognize the change in my heart and even in my way of thinking. I started to feel different in a good way. I’ve never felt so refreshed. All this to say: you seriously cannot pour into others when your cup is empty. It will hurt others, disappoint others, and you won’t be useful. If you want to pour into others, first let the Lord pour into you. Wait until you’re overflowing. It’s not greedy to need time to take care of yourself. It’s self-care, and it starts with God.
The story behind my hair: I had it short. Then I grew it long. I saw girls with beautiful, long locks. All the things they could do with their hair, ways to style it and color it. And there was a season of my life where I put so much value on my hair (for personal reasons) because I thought that hair equaled beauty and that most men liked it too. In high school and even college, I never heard a guy talk about his “dream girl” being a girl with a pixie. But that’s one place I secretly found my worth. My hair. I wanted to be a “dream girl”. Flash forward nearly a year ago, I booked an appointment and the next day cancelled after crying myself to sleep. I felt like cutting my hair was symbolic - like letting go of a dream or idea I had for myself. Then a month later, I booked another appointment, bit the bullet, and went for it. I watched my friend buzz it all off. All this time and patience spent into growing what I thought was “beauty” and “worth” - just, gone from my head. And here I stand today, and I feel free. Free from a cage I put myself in. Free from this idea that beauty is only one way. When girls tell me they wish they could cut their hair but it wouldn’t look good on them, I say “shhh. Anyone can have a pixie - you just have to find the right one!” Ladies, your worth comes from the Lord and Him ONLY - and your hair or your face or your body doesn’t define who you are as the beautiful creature the Lord made you to be. Your heart is the most important thing. I don’t know why I wrote all of this - maybe because I’m reminded every day when I look in the mirror that I love who I am and where I’ve come from and I only want to encourage others to love who they are too. Ok bye.